An invitation to LeMons Chicago 2011

Clear your schedules, folks, for Team Resignation is taking it to the track again! That's right, we're just stupid enough to try our collective hand at the 24 Hours of LeMons again. We'll be rolling our tastelessly modified 1991 Ford Escort on the tarmac of the grandiose and fine Autobahn Country Club for the Showroom-Schlock Shootout. In attendance, among other find dignitaries, will be our mascot, master, and mannequin Richard Nixon.

At LeMons, you will come to truly expect the unexpected:

- Watch as Nixon's hands become un-epoxied and fittingly lodge themselves in the radiator of the Grateful Dead-themed Honda Civic behind our car.

- Laugh as Team Resignation is chained together in penance and forced to dance to The Village People's "In the Navy."

- Marvel as dozens of truly terrible cars refuse to die on the track.

- Cry as our incompetent drivers run over your feet in the paddock (to which you'll have full access).


Here are the real details:

Who? Team Resignation, along with several dozen other teams. Team Resignation is: Dave, Eric, Johnny, Kiko and Norbert. The "who" should also include you, as spectators are welcome. Pit passes for spectators run $20 per day or $30 for the weekend.


What? Ah, such a question. The 24 Hours of LeMons is an endurance race for cars that have been purchased and "fixed" or modified for less than $500. The overall winner takes home $1500 in nickels for completing the most laps in the alotted time. The Index of Effluency is also handed out, with the worst car that does the best (judged through an entirely subjective system) taking home $1501 in nickels.

Our entry is the #74 1991 Ford Escort that has had its engine, transmission, wiring, and suspension all replaced from those parts on a 1999 Ford Escort ZX2. Richard
Nixon will be mounted on the car's roof to "improve downforce." Other entrants may include a flaming (figuratively and literally) Pontiac Fiero, a Dodge Neon decorated as the Dumb & Dumber Mutt Cutts van, and a hacked-and-modified Geo Metro with a Ford Taurus SHO drivetrain.

Additionally, Team Resignation will co-sponsor the inaugural "Little MoFo FoMocup," which will award a trophy and an additional super-secret prize to the highest finishing Ford Motor Company compact car.


Where? This nonsense will take place at Autobahn Country Club south of Joliet, IL. The 24 Hours of Lemons will run on the longer and faster South Course, while stuffy club members hurl their Porsche 911s and open-wheeled racers around the North Course. The track's address:

3795 South Patterson Rd.
Joliet, IL 60436


When? The race is October 8 and 9, with one race session each day:

Saturday session: 10:00 a.m. - 5:30 p.m.
Sunday session: 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

The awards ceremony will occur directly after Sunday's checkered flag.


Why? I don't understand the question. The real answer is, 'Why not?' I mean, look at this. And this. And this. I think my point is clear.


Some additional helpful information:

- To reiterate: The cost to get in is $20 for one day, $30 for Saturday AND Sunday. This gives spectators access to all spectator areas, the penalty box (You can see stuff like this), and the paddock area, where you can watch real teams put out real fires in their real race cars' engine bays. Please note that you will have to sign a waiver when you arrive that says that any injuries and/or deaths caused by renegade wheels or flaming pieces of a Richard Nixon mannequin are not the race organizers' fault. Pretty standard stuff.

- The race continues, regardless of weather. Last year's race was held in torrential downpour in 45-degree temperatures for several hours. If you plan on coming out, check the weather forecast so you know what to expect. It is the Midwest in autumn, so who knows what will happen?

- If you're coming to race, what better way to show your support for the morons of Team Resignation than by purchasing a TR T-shirt here. It was designed by honorary Team Resignation member Phil Rood. Go here to see and buy all of his other work.

- See below for a list of helpful Web sites that have more information. Also, feel free to email/comment/send a carrier pigeon for more information.

Showroom-Schlock Shootout offical page
Autobahn Country Club official page
Team Resignation Blog
Team Resignation Facebook Page


Thanks for your support and please feel free to send us any mental health referrals.

Sincerely,

Alan, Eric, Kiko, Dave, Johnny, and Norbert
Team Resignation