Great Names in Baseball: Buck Hooker

As someone whose last name is a commonly used word, I empathize with people whose last names are fodder for jokes. But far be it from me to let a great baseball name like William "Buck" Hooker skate by without mention. Buck Hooker was not a great baseball player; he wasn't good or even mediocre. He spent most of his professional baseball career in the lower leagues in the early 1900s with mixed results. His major league statline totals only 2 games: a lone start in 1902 (he lost) and a scoreless 2-1/3 inning relief appearance in 1903. Like the man himself, his MLB career was short.

I could let this entry go at that, as I initially thought that is probably an incidental and innocent nickname from a different era. "Buck" was and is a common baseball nickname, and word meanings change greatly over time¹. But part of me doubts that Hooker's nickname was innocuous. If you believe what you read on the Internet, the use of "buck" to mean "a dollar" dates back to 1856 and use of the word "hooker" to mean "prostitute" also began in the mid-1800s--long before the man in question was born to his Hooker mother². So it stands to reason that, sometime during his career, the young male Hooker picked up the less-than-majestic nickname from some mischievous teammates. Given the cheap nature³ of his name, perhaps it's no surprise that his big-league legacy is very forgettable.

Sorry, Buck Hooker; you were no Buck Freeman. You were no Buck Freeman, either.


¹ But what gay and heady times those were when two bums could freely discuss Merkle's Boner.
² Please note that I am only stating fact, not judging his mother a trollop.
³ If you believe the Internet, $1 in 1902 is currently worth $24.86. What would you buy with that money? You could purchase a Hooker 'n' Heat record.

Great Names in Baseball: William 'Boileryard' Clarke

In the Deadball Era, ballplayers were men, men were scoundrels, and nicknames were not derivative combinations of letters from first and last names. Each turn-of-the-century team was obliged to have a Red, a Doc, a Kid, a Silent John (or Jack)¹, and a Rube. But along with that cast could be found gems like Boileryard Clarke.

One might fancy that Clarke earned his moniker from a train-like build or from his mighty and lengthy home runs. Rather, Boileryard earned the nickname from his "terrible voice," which apparently sounded like a cacophony of steam engines².

Clarke's offensive numbers don't truly stand out. He spent most of the 1890s as a backup catcher on the great Baltimore Orioles squad, who won National League titles from 1894-1896. In Baltimore, he first played with Hall of Famer/Renowned Asshole John McGraw, as well legends/scalawags Wee Willie Keeler, Kid Gleason, and Hughie "Ee-Yah" Jennings. By the numbers, Boileryard was a replacement-level player in Baltimore, though he hit .297 in 330 plate appearances in 1896. Behind the plate, he was at least competent and possessed a strong arm, which threw out 42% of baserunners in his career.

After Baltimore, Clarke split time as the Boston Beaneaters'³ backstop in 1899 and 1900 before moving to the newly-formed American League and the truly terrible Washington Senators, who made him their starting catcher from 1901-1904. Boileryard was a mediocre player on a Senators squad that could hit but had a hopeless pitching staff. Boileryard contributed to a team effort that led the team to a mighty 38-113 record in 1904.

Clarke finished his big-league career as an unproductive backup catcher on the World Champion 1905 New York Giants under the guidance of former Baltimore teammate McGraw. Clarke had the pleasure of not only catching Superstud-of-All-Time Christy Mathewson, but also the crudely nicknamed wonder Dummy Taylor⁴.

In 1910, Boileryard Clarke took the helm of the baseball squad at Princeton University, where he coached for 34 years until he finally retired from baseball in 1944.

Read more here.


¹ Part of me thinks that any player nicknamed "Silent John" probably had a stack of trunks filled with prostitute bodies that he took on road trips. Baseball players weren't known to be particularly agreeable fellows during this time, and there's something sinister about being "Silent" amidst such chaos. Or it's just my imagination.
² It's difficult to imagine an equivalent nickname today. The closest equivalents we have to a boileryard are probably airports or highways. But "Road Noise" Clarke or "Taxiway" Clarke doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it?
³ Actual team name.
⁴ He was deaf and therefore nicknamed "Dummy." More on this in a later post.

Great Names in Baseball: Orvil Overall

Feast your eyes on the great Orvil Overall, one of the workhorse starting pitchers from the great Chicago Cubs teams of the late 1900s¹.

Overall came to the Cubs in 1906 after a mediocre 300-inning campaign the previous year with the mediocre Cincinnati Reds and was a fixture at West Side Park² until 1910. He then resurfaced for a few innings with the 1913 Cubs.

Overall, Overall pitched to a 3-1 record in the World Series for the Cubs in 1906, 1907, 1908, and 1910, including picking up two wins the last time the Cubs won it all³.

Overall was something of a strikeout king for his era, leading the league in strikeouts per innings pitched in both 1908 and 1909.

So we salute you and your great name, Orvil Overall.

Read more here.


¹ The decade, not the century.
² West Side Park (the second one) was the predecessor to Wrigley Field. It was bounded by Taylor, Wood, Polk, and Wolcott streets, which is not the location of the UIC Medical Center campus.
³ That's 1908, in case you didn't know.

Eric Rood, Internet Contributor

As a new and enthused reader of baseball statistics blog FanGraphs (and its nerdy and funny-to-a-few-baseball-dorks sibling blog NotGraphs), I greatly enjoyed their series of MLB umpire "Country" Joe West ejecting famous and bizarre people/scenes¹. I enjoyed so much that I e-mailed in my own literal version, which was published on NotGraphs today. Yay!


¹ Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Watch a slide show of most of them here. And then see my personal favorite here.

Resurrecting the Blog, Ending All Political Arguments

Hey, I'm back, and I have a new word for everyone:

Thi'merca¹

It is pronounced exactly as spelled and will be used from now on to end any arguments presented that may be construed as anti-freedom, anti-American (anti-'mercan), or to counter any blatantly socialist remarks.

For maximum rhetorical effectiveness, pair with the words "donlikit" and "G'out.²"

EXAMPLE:

Person 1: "You know, I was thinking that maybe everyone in this country should have health care."

Person 2: "WHAT?! That's socialist!!!"

Person 1: "Well, I don't kn-"

Person 2: "Thi'merca!"

Person 1: "Huh?"

Person 2: "Donlikit? G'out!!!"


I apologize for this; I generally don't like to spout political opinions on here, but, as Jon Stewart pointed out, debate tends to skip any pretense any more and move to the lowest common denominator. Randy Marsh knows what I'm talking about.


¹ Cleary, this is a contracted form of "This is America." The meaning is self-explanatory. If you don't know what it means, you should probably take in freedom-hating^1A-handout-wanting Jose Canseco.

^1A While one could argue that defecting from Cuba equates to loving freedom, ruining America's game by outing steroid users surpasses any Castro-related defections. Thi'mercuh. We want our athletes at maximum 'roid levels so they can hit the ball four miles, thank you. And we want our no-hitters thrown by tripping pitchers.



² Not to be confused with the medical condition "gout." Don't click on that hyperlink^2A.

^2A Seriously, don't click on that hyperlink. Click on this one. It's much more entertaining.

24 Hours of LeMons Comes to Chicago

Several months ago, Team Resignation began working on an entrant into the Chicago event of the 24 Hours of LeMons racing series. With lots of trial and error (mostly error), we have eventually reached a point where we think the car might possibly be considered actually thinking about being ready to race in the inaugural Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500. As the race is named after a bastion of all that is true with politics, we decided to theme our car after the true master of political manuevering (read: stumbling), Richard Milhous Nixon.

And so we let you--dear friend/relative/political cohort and/or lackey--know that spectators are welcome to endure the torture of an endurance race for $500 cars. The event takes place on October 23 and 24. Please see below for a brief rundown:

Who? Team Resignation--Alan, Eric, Kiko, Johnny, and Dave. Also there will be 100 or so additional cars/teams running around the track that day. You are also welcome to attend and spectate

What? Ah, such a question. The 24 Hours of LeMons is a race for cars that have been purchased and fixed/modified for less than $500. In our case, the car is the #74 1991 Ford Escort that has had its engine, transmission, wiring, and suspension all replaced from those parts on a 1999 Ford Escort ZX2. Richard Nixon may or may not be riding along with the driver. Other entrants may include cars such as a 1984 Honda Civic with an inflatable Godzilla on its roof or a Toyota MR2 that very closely resembles a go-kart.

Where? This will take place at Autobahn Country Club, which is a road-style race track in Joliet, IL. We will be racing the North Course while rich people drive their M5s and Ferraris on the South course that day. I think we'll have more fun. The track's address:

3795 South Patterson Rd.
Joliet, IL 60436

When? As previously stated, the race is October 23 and 24. This is not a true 24-hour race; it is instead two 7.5 hour sessions. Saturday's session runs from 10:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and Sunday's session runs from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. We would generally recommend coming on Saturday when the car is more likely to be functioning. If we, for some reason, are not running on Sunday, we will be at the track hanging out and would love to see you. So come either or both days!

Why? There aren't a whole lot of places where you can see a homemade Oscar Mayer Wienermobile or Santa's sleigh driving around a race track at top speed.

Some more information that might be helpful:

- The cost to get in is $20 for one day or $30 for both days. For this money, you have access to the paddock area, where you can see real teams saying real curse words while they put out real fires in their real race cars' engine bay. You also have access to the spectator area, and you can probably come-and-go as you please if you get a wristband at the gate. You do have to sign a waiver saying that getting injured by flying tires and/or flaming pieces of octopus that had been previously attached to a 1992 Pontiac Grand Prix are not the fault of the track or race organizers. No biggie, really.

- The race goes on regardless of weather, unless it's rain heavy enough to be deemed entirely unsafe. This means that we'll drive through moderately heavy rain and cold weather. It is October, so you should be prepared for the weather if you come.

- Here are some Web sites that may be helpful:
- Blago 500 Web page: http://www.24hoursoflemons.com/rodb2010.aspx
- Autobahn Country Club: http://www.autobahncountryclub.net/
- Team Resignation's blog: http://teamresignation.blogspot.com/
- Team Resignation's Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Woodstock-IL/Team-Resignation/152704761425395

If you're interested, you just have questions, or you think we're clinically insane, please contact us and let us know.

Take care and please help us,

Eric, Alan, Kiko, Johnny, and Dave
Team Resignation
"A Fresh Approach to Disgrace"

The Geography of Fiction

Recently, my fiancee Jenny purchased two seasons of Roseanne, the sassy 90s TV program. I'll admit that I watched once-upon-a-time but didn't really recall much about it. I'm sure you've all seen it, but if you havn't, go back and watch it again. It accurately portrays life in the barren, semi-rural Illinois town of Lanford¹.

And, being the nerd I am, this is where I run into questions of fictitious geography. Now, I understand creative interpretation, and I also understand that Lanford is an amalgam of similar, real-life Midwestern communities. But the nerd in me won't let the concept go that Lanford is supposed to be a pseudonym for a real place. Being that I'm possibly from the area where the Connors reside(d), I thought I'd take a crack at it.

What we know about Lanford²:

A) Dan Connor played football, which typically is only played at larger high schools. As such, it should be safe to assume that the city in question has at least 5000 residents³.

B) Dan Connor is seen to read [fictional] newspapers with titles referring to DeKalb County and Sycamore.

C) The town is approximately 90 minutes from Rockford.

D) The town is approximately 1 hour from Elgin

E) The town is approximately 5 hours to Iowa, although this is never clarified which part of IA, so this is kind of a moot point. If they mean the Quad Cities, then none of their travel times makes sense (which is pretty apparent anyway).

F) The town is approximately 2 hours from Chicago⁴.


Here are my list of possible cities; the reasons for and against each will be displayed below:

1) Canton, IL
2) Ottawa, IL
3) Sandwich, IL
4) Woodstock, IL or Huntley, IL
5) Elburn, IL
6) Sycamore, IL


1) This is drawn from a direct reference when the area is given as "Fulton County," where Canton is the biggest city⁵. However, a quick Google maps search will tell you that Rockford and Chicago are each 3+ hours from anywhere in Fulton County.

2) Ottawa fits pretty nicely into some parts of the travel time. It is roughly 90 minutes to both Rockford and Chicago, although it's nearly 2 hours to Elgin from there.

3) Sandwich again fits nicely into the travel times picture, like Ottawa. It's 70 minutes to Elgin and 90 minutes to Rockford, although only about 80-90 minutes to Chicago. Most of Sandwich is in DeKalb County.

4) Woodstock/Huntley are about 90 minutes to Chicago, an hour to Rockford and 45 minutes to Elgin. The times are a little short, so Woodstock may be a little too far north?

5) Elburn may be a little close to the suburbs, as it's only 40 minutes to Elgin and 70 minutes to Chicago. It's also 75 minutes to Rockford. Elburn is near but not in DeKalb County. Also, it is a small city, but several nearby towns form Kaneland High School, which sports a football team.

6) Sycamore runs a little on the short side, too, with 90 minutes to Chicago, 45 to Elgin, and an hour to Rockford. It is, however, related to the aforementioned newspaper and is the county seat of DeKalb County.

So there you have it. Keep in mind that the travel times don't really seem to balance anywhere that makes sense. Any place that's 2 hours from Chicago, 1 hour from Elgin, and 90 minutes from Rockford is most certainly not in DeKalb County and probably doesn't really exist at all.

Dear readers, I ask for your input. What city is Lanford, Illinois, supposed to be? (Comment below with your answer)



¹ Lanford is commonly referred to as "the suburbs" in Web-related materials, which is pretty odd. I guess it depends on your definition of suburb.

² While I'm familiar with some tenants of Roseanne, I got some help from this forum topic, which I consider inconclusive, on a Blues Brothers message board, of all places.

³ There are exceptions to this of course. Kirkland High School is very small yet has a football team. Also, Earlville High School in rural Illinois once had a football program.

⁴ Another episode claims that Lanford is halfway between Rockford and Chicago, which is actually pretty close to Elgin. So that doesn't make a damn bit of sense.

⁵ This comes from a radio report claiming a tornado is ravaging the county or something.