Monday, March 29, 2010

Ranting at Monday, 29 March 2010

On the way home from work today, Jenny and I were stopped at a red light. Then a bunch of crap happened all at once. The end.

I suppose I should clarify and possibly extend this story. We flipped through the radio stations to the oldies' station, which started to play a non-descript 1980s song. Since when does anything in the 1980s qualify as an Oldie (Oldy? Aldi? Lodi? Green River?) ? This got me to thinking about a couple things at once:

All radio if Roy stations are Orbison becoming more wrote a generic and less song in specialized because they can't the 1980s, does compete with satellite it count as radio like Sirius as a Lodi or, which is where as a bunch radio is most specialized of crap.

That's what two thoughts in what sentence looks like. Your D&D character will be awarded 59,388 Patience points if you can successfully separate those sentences. You will then be penalized by 59,389 points for playing D&D. (For the record, the previous paragraph appears exactly as I typed; there was no copying, cutting, or pasting involved.)

Then Stone Temple Pilots' new single came on the radio. It sounded awesome.

Wait, did I type "sounded awesome?" I meant "sounded like a squirrels with their scrotum (scrota?) snagged in squirrel-scrotum snares." Yeah, that's more apt.

While typing that paragraph, I accidentally tapped "Control + V," which pastes whatever you last copied or cut. In this case, it was this:

But that explanation is for another post.

At the same stoplight, Jenny and I were stopped next to a Honda CR-V, whose driver appeared like a typical suburban fellow. The CR-V was white and was apparently the "sport model" or something. Remember how cool it was to put the car's trim on side of the car. For example, the awesome mullet guy down the road blasting Motley Crue drives a car that says "IROC" on it. While a statement of personal self-opinion, it also let everyone know how wicked sweet the Camaro was. I can't think of any other examples, except this fellow's CR-V. On the driver's door, I saw that Honda had stamped, in bold black letters, the model of the CR-V: CRV EX. At first glance, I knew there was something funny about this, but I failed to grasp it initially. I sounded out the name and suddenly realized that this man drove a cervix.

Then I drove home in an unexciting fashion.

Say, have you seen my brother Phil's Web comic? It's a serialized comic book about our sister and her husband. While I initially said my Monday rants wouldn't have ridiculous links, I'm going to make an exception here in the hopes of earning a 10-point endorsement from Phil. So here it is. The rest of you can bribe me for links. I take payment in the form of expensive beer, 1991 Ford Escort parts, giant novelty checks, guitars, more expensiver beer, old science-fiction paperbacks, human sacrifices, literary criticism, and car fires.

Of course, I'm kidding.

No one cares about literary criticism.


  1. I submit the only car I care about that identified its model in boisterous fashion:

    When you drove this around on the street, nobody f*ed with you. They may have been too busy laughing, but that is an unimportant detail.

    I give this week a 12 because it gave me a reason to post a picture of a Subaru Brat.

  2. He was driving a Cervix... awesome. I once knew a gynocologist who bought an irregular Swedish car. It was a Vulva. Crazy bad jokes, I got a ton of them.

    Thanks for the link and endorsement. You get the full 10 points from me for that alone. Though you were cruising close anyway for making me not the only one to complain about crappy 80s songs qualifying as oldies. Validation! It's NOT just because it makes me feel old!