What to Expect from LeMons

By now, I assume you've read the brief recollections of Alan and I swapping suspensions for our 1991 Ford Escort Frankenracer. From the brief posts earlier, you probably think that racing a $500 hatchback at the Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 is dangerous business¹. But it's not. Like all forms of racing, you're not allowed to make contact. So I'm sure it'll be fine².


¹ Please disregard the fact that this is a video of a Ford Escort rolling over. Our jalopy will probably have more awesome problems before we even get a chance to roll over.
² Perhaps this would be a good time to discuss my racing resume. My auto racing experience is similar to yours^2A, though I think I drifted once. Additionally, I have approximately 10 career minutes operating a manual gearbox^2B. Despite this, I also make an excellent pit crew member. My skills include the ability to [sometimes] change^2C a tire, to change the oil, to change the windshield wipers, and to change my underwear after my seat-time is up. Not to worry, though. Alan and I will do some autocrossing this summer. I envision Alan careening around the the courses in his sporty Miata. I then envision myself trying to coax a rolling shitpile into second gear while I barrel through a plethora of cones, spectators, puppy dogs, and crates full of watermelons^2D.
^2A Please disregard if you have actual racing experience.
^2B It was a Ford gearbox, so that's a plus. However, it was an ornery Festiva, which was a huge negative.
^2C And to again split an infinitive.
^2D Because autocross events are typically held at farmer's markets, of course.