Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What to Expect from LeMons

By now, I assume you've read the brief recollections of Alan and I swapping suspensions for our 1991 Ford Escort Frankenracer. From the brief posts earlier, you probably think that racing a $500 hatchback at the Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 is dangerous business1. But it's not. Like all forms of racing, you're not allowed to make contact. So I'm sure it'll be fine2.

1 Please disregard the fact that this is a video of a Ford Escort rolling over. Our jalopy will probably have more awesome problems before we even get a chance to roll over.
2 Perhaps this would be a good time to discuss my racing resume. My auto racing experience is similar to yours2A, though I think I drifted once. Additionally, I have approximately 10 career minutes operating a manual gearbox2B. Despite this, I also make an excellent pit crew member. My skills include the ability to [sometimes] change2C a tire, to change the oil, to change the windshield wipers, and to change my underwear after my seat-time is up. Not to worry, though. Alan and I will do some autocrossing this summer. I envision Alan careening around the the courses in his sporty Miata. I then envision myself trying to coax a rolling shitpile into second gear while I barrel through a plethora of cones, spectators, puppy dogs, and crates full of watermelons2D.
2A Please disregard if you have actual racing experience.
2B It was a Ford gearbox, so that's a plus. However, it was an ornery Festiva, which was a huge negative.
2C And to again split an infinitive.
2D Because autocross events are typically held at farmer's markets, of course.

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